Children's mental health content

The core content of children's mental health is by no means just "no mental illness", but includes the three basic cores of emotional stability and coordination, age-matching cognitive development, and good social adaptation, plus the developmental support needs corresponding to different growth stages. It is a dynamic maintenance system throughout the entire growth cycle from 0 to 18 years old.

In the six years I have been working as a clinician in the child psychology department of a public maternal and child health hospital, the most common misunderstandings I have encountered are two extremes: either parents rush in with their children who have failed in the exam and cried for two days and ask, "Doctor, please see if my child has any psychological problems." Then they turn around and say to the child who hides in the corner every day tearing paper and never talks to his peers, "This is introversion. It will be fine when he grows up." Everyone either takes children's psychology too mysteriously and thinks the world is falling at the slightest sign of trouble, or they take it too lightly and think "what troubles can children have".

Interestingly, there are actually different voices in the academic community regarding the boundaries of intervention in children’s mental health. The conservative pathologists have always called for drawing a clear red line first, and not to label normal mood swings as "psychological problems", which will increase parents' anxiety. The core content in their eyes is actually very clear: as long as the child does not have low/euphoric moods that last for more than two weeks, There are no extreme changes in sleep and eating, no tendency to harm oneself or others, and no complete impairment of social functions (such as suddenly refusing to go to school or communicating with anyone). Those occasional tantrums, sensitivity, and fear of strangers are all normal fluctuations in growth and do not require excessive intervention.

On the other hand, researchers from another school of developmental psychology believe that we cannot just wait for problems to arise and then fix the problems. The core of children's mental health should be pre-support. For example, when self-awareness sprouts around the age of 3, you need to teach your child to "label" his emotions and guide him to say "I'm very angry now" and "I feel wronged" instead of just rolling around. ； When he is 6 years old and has just entered elementary school, you have to help him slowly adapt to the group rules. Don't scold him from the very beginning: "If you can't sit still, you have ADHD."” ； After the child reaches the age of 10, the content related to gender recognition and self-identity must be slowly laid out. Don't wait until the child reaches adolescence and closes the door and stops talking, then you think about breaking the door and asking him "What are you thinking about?"

To be honest, I am somewhere in the middle. Last month, I met an 8-year-old boy. When the parents brought him over, they were very angry. They said that the child was "naturally rebellious". He couldn't sit still in class and annoyed his classmates every day. The teacher visited the parents three times a week and beat and scolded him, but he couldn't change it. After the evaluation, it was discovered that there was sensory integration disorder accompanied by attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). The child himself said, "My whole body feels itchy when I can't sit still. I also want to listen to the class well, but I can't control it." You say that from a conservative point of view, this child has not yet reached the stage of self-mutilation or refusal to go to school, so it doesn’t seem to be a problem? But if parents could have noticed the difference between his attention level and children of the same age two years earlier and started sensory integration training earlier, he would not have been scolded for two years and his self-confidence was wiped out.

Oh, by the way, if I’m not afraid of my peers laughing, I have a 7-year-old son, and I can’t stand it anymore. I worked overtime for three days recently and forgot to buy the Ultraman card I promised to buy for him. He sat in the entrance hall and made a fuss for two hours. I raised my hand and wanted to scold you, "Why are you so ignorant?" When I said this, I remembered what I told my parents every day, "take care of your emotions first and then solve the problem." , squatted down and hugged him, and said, "I know you didn't get the thing you've been looking forward to for a week, you must be very angry, right?" He burst into tears, and after crying for ten minutes, he was fine. Instead, he comforted me, "Mom is tired from work, you can buy it next time." You see, there are no standardized operating instructions. In many cases, if you are willing to treat him as a little adult with a temper, rather than an accessory that must listen to you, you have already done most of the things right.

Don’t believe the marketing content on the Internet about “10 things you must do to protect your children’s mental health.” I have seen many parents spend tens of thousands of dollars to sign up for emotional intelligence classes, but they don’t even have the patience to talk to their children for ten minutes about “what fun things happened at school today” when they get home. If you are really not sure whether your child is in the right condition, go to a child psychology department in a regular public institution for an evaluation. Don't just blindly check the self-assessment form on the Internet.

To put it bluntly, the content of children’s mental health is complicated. You need to understand the development patterns of each age group, recognize abnormal signals, and learn communication skills.； It's really simple to say that you are willing to squat down and listen to him tell you those little things about ants moving and Ultraman fighting that you think are meaningless, and you are willing to accept his crying and fussing, and you don't require him to always be "sensible" and "well-behaved", that's enough. After all, what we want is not a perfect child who never makes mistakes, but a lively child who can be happy or sad and dare to tell the truth.