Summary and insights on parenting and children’s health

There is no one-size-fits-all standard answer. All methods must focus on "adaptability" - there is no need to be superstitious about a certain school's parenting philosophy, and there is no need to compare with other families' growth curves. The best way to raise children is to combine the child's innate characteristics and the actual situation of the family, and balance physical health and psychological comfort.

Last winter my baby had his first febrile convulsion. On the way to the hospital with my convulsing baby in my arms, I went through all the popular science content I had read in my mind: The evidence-based school said that physical cooling below 38.5℃ is enough, and there is no need to rush to take medicine; When we arrived at the emergency room of the hospital, the doctor listened to my past medical history and only said: Your baby has a history of convulsions. You don’t have to wait until 38.5. You can give him antipyretics when the temperature reaches 38°C. You don’t have to stick to the standard. At that time, I suddenly figured out, is there any absolutely correct way? You say that physical cooling is correct, but if you encounter a baby with a history of convulsions, carrying it will cause greater risks; you say that it is old feudalism for an old man to cover his sweat, but if you encounter a baby with cold hands and feet and shivering with chills, there is nothing wrong with adding a light coat.

Actually, not only for getting sick, but also for eating, I have paid a lot of IQ taxes before.

When I first started introducing complementary foods, I followed the trend and stocked up on a bunch of so-called "baby-specific foods": low-sodium baby soy sauce, no-added soluble beans, and infant biscuits. However, during the 6-month-old child care program, the doctor said: "The sodium needs of babies under 1 year old can be fully met from milk and complementary foods. This bottle of baby sauce you bought The sodium content of oil and soy sauce is not much lower than that of ordinary light soy sauce, and it is three times more expensive." Later, I saw a parenting blogger saying that sugar should be strictly controlled until the age of 3, and no snacks should be allowed, otherwise it will easily cause tooth decay and picky eaters. Then a pediatric nutritionist said that it can be given appropriately, otherwise the child will eat sweets in revenge when he grows up. My family is now making a compromise: I can eat small candies or chocolates twice a week, and I don’t give snacks one hour before meals, and I don’t deliberately hide the candies. Now when my child is a guest at a child’s house, when someone hands him a candy, he will say, “I ate it this week, I will eat it next time.” On the contrary, he is much more restrained than those children who are completely prohibited from touching candies.

Oh, by the way, I was obsessed with growth curves before. Every time I go to the child care provider, I keep an eye on the percentage. If I don’t weigh as much as I want this month, I’ll try my best to feed my baby when I get home. I even secretly compare my height with other babies of the same month in the community. If I’m even one centimeter shorter than others, I’ll feel anxious for half a night. Until I took my baby to the park to play last month, I met a retired director of pediatrics. He saw me chasing the baby to feed him. He smiled and said to me: "Look at this baby, the wind can't catch up with him when he runs. His laughter can be heard from half the street. You don't care if his curve is in the 30s." It’s number 50. You are in good spirits and don’t get sick very much. You are really healthy.” I stared at my child jumping in puddles with mud all over his face that day, and suddenly I felt relieved - the health of children we pursue is not a cold numerical standard.

There are even more controversies about early education and psychological development. I used to have a friend whose child could memorize 100 ancient poems at the age of 2. At that time, my child couldn't even speak a complete sentence. I was so anxious that I paid more than 10,000 yuan to sign up for a bilingual early childhood education class. As a result, the child cried every time he entered the early childhood education center for two months. Later, the teacher told me privately that your child's gross motor development was early and his language development was only half a beat slower. This is very normal, so don't force him. I dropped the rest of the class on the spot and took him to the park to run around and climb trees every day. Within half a year, his little mouth suddenly became fluent. Now he is holding the Ultraman figure and telling me the plot every day. He can talk for half an hour without repeating the same thing. Are you saying early education is useless? No, the little girl from my colleague's family especially likes to sit in the classroom doing handicrafts and learning children's songs. She is so happy every time she goes to early childhood education. She is not happy if you ask her to run wildly in the park. In the final analysis, whether you are an enlightenment person or a nature-liberating person, whatever makes your baby comfortable is the right thing.

A few days ago, my baby had a hand-and-mouth disease, and his mouth was full of bubbles and he couldn't eat. My mother said that she would cook hot porridge to warm his stomach. I didn't argue, and just took a mini popsicle from the refrigerator and handed it to him. As expected, the baby stopped crying with the popsicle in his mouth, and he recovered within two days. My mother later told the old sisters in the community that "it turns out that taking cold drinks for sore throats is really useful." I stood nearby and couldn't help but laugh. I used to think that raising a baby requires a distinction between right and wrong and finding a standard answer. But now I understand that most of the time what we compete with is not the baby's health at all, but the solidified obsession in our own minds.

To be honest, I am often confused about parenting issues, and I get anxious when I read the opposite opinions of different experts. But when I turn around and see my baby squatting on the ground with half a biscuit, feeding ants, with biscuit crumbs all over his face, I feel that no standard is as important as his happiness and comfort. Raising a baby is basically a matter of crossing the river by feeling the stones. You don't have to follow other people's scripts. If he is healthy, can run and laugh, it is better than anything else.