Children’s mental health tips

The first is that the mood is relaxed most of the time, and there is no inexplicable depression, irritability or long-term daze that lasts for more than two weeks.； The second is that I can go to school normally and play with my peers, and there is no obvious deterioration in what I should do every day. ； The third is to be willing to share with you or other trusted adults when you encounter grievances or happy things, and not keep everything in your heart.

Last month, I was doing a free science clinic in the community. A mother chatted with me for 20 minutes, saying that her 7-year-old son always liked to throw toys away recently, and would slam the door into the room after saying a few words. She read a lot of popular science, and the more she read, the more scared she became. She wondered whether her child had a conduct disorder and would develop into an antisocial personality in the future. I chatted with her for ten minutes before I found out that she and her husband had been working on projects for the past two months. It was almost 10 o'clock when they got home every day, and the child didn't even have anyone to talk to. The purpose of throwing toys was to attract the attention of parents. Later, she and her husband agreed to spend 20 minutes a day with their child to build blocks. Within half a month, the mother said that the child had never dropped anything again.

When it comes to how to deal with a child's emotional outbursts, there are always people in the background asking whether they should hug them immediately or deal with them coldly. In fact, there is no unified standard answer in this field: Psychoanalytically oriented counselors will prefer to deal with the emotions first. After all, when a child is upset, he will not listen to you if you explain the truth. It is more important to provide him with a sense of security first.； Behaviorist counselors may recommend waiting for the child to calm down before communicating, to avoid reinforcing the behavior pattern of "getting benefits from making trouble". There is nothing wrong with either of them. The core thing is to see the reason why the child is upset - if he cried because he was wronged at school or hurt by a fall, there is nothing wrong with you going up and giving him a hug first. ； If he is lying on the floor in a shopping mall and asking you to buy the same toys that you already have three or four in your house, wait until he has cried enough before trying to reason with him. This is not a sign of "not loving children".

Oh, by the way, my best friend’s third-grade girl was chewing her nails some time ago. All ten of her fingers were gnawed bare. Her parents scolded her several times but she couldn’t change it. They also told her to apply bitter melon water on her fingers. Later, I asked her to ask her if anything happened at school recently. When I asked her, I found out that the class teacher had just changed. She was always whipped to answer questions. She was afraid of being laughed at by her classmates when she answered questions incorrectly. She was so nervous that she couldn’t help but pick her hands in class. Later, I communicated with the teacher and gave her some buffer time when asking questions, and occasionally asked her to answer questions that she was good at. Within a month, the nail biting problem was cured by itself. You see, many problems that seem to be "bad habits" are actually just emotions that have no outlet.

There is another situation, don’t panic, that is, a child who is already able to feed and clothe himself suddenly needs to be fed and held by you, and may even wet the bed. This kind of behavior is professionally called "regressive behavior". Most of the time, it is caused by recent changes in the family, such as the birth of a second child, a quarrel between parents, or a new school transfer. He is seeking attention in the same way as a child. Don't scold him for "living back and forth". Hold him for a few more days, and he will naturally return to normal after having enough sense of security.

Many people always think that "sensible" and "obedient" mean they have a good mind. I really want to knock on the blackboard and say something unpleasant: Too many children who seem to be too sensible are actually suppressing their own needs to please adults. Last year, I met a 10-year-old girl. When her parents got divorced, she didn't make any fuss during the whole process. She even comforted her crying mother. Her teacher praised her for being sensible, and her relatives said she was too worry-free. However, her mother later found out that she was always crying under the quilt in the middle of the night. She was also not energetic at school during the day, and she was taken to be checked for a mild anxiety disorder. Think about it, adults have to wait for half a year when encountering divorce. How could a 10-year-old child not have any emotions at all? It was just that I was afraid that I would make my parents unhappy, so I swallowed my emotions hard.

Oh yes, there is another point that people often get confused about, that is, they always use the standards of other people’s children to apply to their own children. For example, other people’s children take the initiative to say hello when they meet people, and my children hide behind me when they see strangers. Is this a social disorder? It’s really not true. There are several types of children’s temperament. Some children are born with a slow-warming type. As long as they can let go when playing with familiar children and are happy by themselves, it’s totally fine. Don’t force them to be “outgoing” or “cheerful”. Forcing them will make them think “I’m wrong to be introverted.” Over time, it may lead to psychological problems.

In fact, children's psychology is really not as mysterious as everyone thinks. Many times, you don't have to check those complicated symptom lists. Spend more time with your child, squat down and listen carefully to what he says, which is better than anything else. If you really find that your child has been unmotivated for more than half a month, doesn't want to do the things he loved to do before, doesn't want to go to school, and doesn't want to talk to others, then you should see a professional child psychologist in time. The effect of early intervention is basically very good, so don't be too anxious.