psychological counselor

Psychological counselors are neither fortune tellers who can see through your thoughts, nor are they emotional trash cans who can only pour chicken soup, nor are they "psychiatrists" who can prescribe a prescription to "cure" psychological problems - in essence, we are fellow travelers who help you lead yourself back to the exit when you are trapped in the emotional maze.

The 28-year-old Internet operation girl who received me last week opened the door and sat down. The first thing she said was, "Do you think it's too pretentious for me to cry for half an hour because my boyfriend forgot his anniversary?" ”Before I could answer, she laughed and said that when she told her friends about this, everyone told her, "What a big deal, he's not usually very nice to you." She couldn't hold it in for a week, so she decided to come to me.

Oh yes, this is also the first misunderstanding many people have about us: they think we are just paid to chat. To be honest, if you just want to find someone to listen to your complaints, you can just find your best friend or an online friend. You don’t have to spend hundreds of dollars an hour to come to us. Every response we give, even our silence, is actually professionally trained - we will not judge you for being "pretentious", we will not rush to give you ideas and "hurry up", we will only accompany you to dig deeper: Why is there such a big reaction to forgetting the anniversary this time? Is it that your dad who promised to buy you sweets when you were a kid always kept breaking the promise? Have you always been subconsciously afraid that "I am actually not that important in the hearts of important people"?

It’s interesting to mention that consultants from different schools have completely different methods of digging. I used to observe a case with a senior who was classically oriented in psychoanalysis. He sat up straight during the entire consultation and basically didn’t interrupt. He just waited for the visitor to free think. As he talked, the visitor cried. She said that she remembered when she was in elementary school and forgot her words when she gave a speech on stage. If it were a humanistic counselor, he might have handed the tissue to the patient a long time ago. Even when the client cried to the point of collapse, he would have patted the patient's back gently and said, "I know you are sad." No one is right or wrong, it's just that the people they are suitable for are different.

Oh, by the way, it’s funny. The senior psychoanalyst told me before that someone once came to him and told him his birth date and asked him to calculate whether he would be able to change jobs next week. He was stunned for three seconds on the spot and recommended a friend in his circle of friends who was very accurate in telling Tarot. He also added, “I really can’t tell fortunes. I don’t even know if I can get an expert number next week.” Really, we really don’t have the ability to read minds. We can’t even guess half a cent of what you don’t tell us.

There is also a very controversial question. Some people always ask, "Do psychological counselors need to give specific suggestions to clients?" ”The views of these different schools are really far apart. Cognitive-behavioral counselors will think this is too normal. Do you have social anxiety? I will give you a step-by-step list of exposure: in the first week, tell the aunt at the convenience store downstairs, "Please give me an extra bag." In the second week, chat with the colleague next to you about whether today's takeout is delicious. In the third week, take the initiative to post your work progress in the department group. Practice step by step, and the results will come very quickly. But if you switch to an existentialist counselor, there is a high probability that he will not give you any specific suggestions - whether you should reconcile with your parents, whether you should resign, or whether you should break up with the person you have been dating for five years. These are your own life issues. I have made the choice for you. You still won't make the choice next time you encounter the same problem. I can only help you figure it out: if you make this choice, what is the most acceptable result and what is the most unbearable consequence? The final decision can only be made by yourself.

When I first entered the industry, I encountered a pitfall. I received a girl who failed the postgraduate entrance examination. She cried every time for the first three times she came. I was so anxious that I always wanted to give her advice: "Do you want to try World War II?" ”“How about finding a more relaxed job first? ”Later, the supervisor scolded me: "What role are you competing for? She is the scriptwriter of her own life. You are just a lighting fixture for her. Don't rush to the stage to act. ”I still remember that sentence. Really, when many visitors come to us, they feel that they have fallen into a mud pit and cannot climb out. What we have to do is not to reach out and pull you up, but to squat down and tell you, "I am here and I will accompany you. Look, there is actually a step at your feet. You can walk up on your own."

Many people also ask, if you receive so many negative emotions every day, will you have problems yourself? Hey, it would be a lie to say that I am not affected at all. After talking to a visitor last week about her experience of being bullied at school, I squatted in the convenience store downstairs of the company after get off work and ate sea salt popsicles for half an hour before I recovered. We also have our own experiencers, and we have to spend time every week doing personal experiences and sorting out our own emotions. To put it bluntly, we have to familiarize ourselves with the maze of emotions first, and have almost filled our own pits before we dare to lead others. Oh, by the way, there is another bottom line that must be made clear: If you have been diagnosed with a mental illness such as depression or bipolar disorder, you must first go to a psychiatrist and take medication as prescribed. Psychological counseling can only be used as a supplement. We do not have the right to prescribe, and we cannot cure pathological symptoms. Don't believe the nonsense that "severe depression can be cured with psychological counseling". They are all liars.

A few days ago, a client who had completed a year of consultation sent me a message, saying that today she asked her boss who had exploited her for half a year to raise her salary, and the other party agreed. In the past, she would have only endured it and would not have even dared to resign. She said, "I always felt like you were like a crutch. I couldn't walk without you. But today I discovered that I can run on my own."

You see, this is the most interesting part of our job. We are never "saviors". The one who can heal you is always the powerful yourself. We just happen to pass by your emotional maze and help you gently sweep away the layer of dust that blocks your strength.

Oh, yes, one last thing, if the consultant you find immediately slaps his chest and tells you "Three times the package is ready" and then turns around and sells you a treatment course worth tens of thousands of yuan, listen to me and run away. Psychological problems are different from colds. Some people can recover in two weeks, while others may take three to five years. There is no fixed timetable for recovery.