Emotion management children's picture book

Children's picture books on emotion management that are truly suitable for children aged 3-8 years old are never a tool to discipline children to "not cry" or "be sensible". The core function is to help children complete a complete cognitive closed loop of "emotion naming - emotion acceptance - emotion regulation". There is never a universal "must buy list". Only those that match the child's cognitive stage, personality traits and family parenting style are useful.

A while ago, I helped my best friend's 4-year-old boy pick out picture books. The boy has a typical "firecracker temper" and would sit on the ground and howl for ten minutes after falling over while playing with Lego. Previously, she had followed suit and bought a set of emotional picture books focusing on "behavior correction". They were all about "children who throw tantrums are not liked" and "good babies are only those who don't cry." As a result, the baby cried even more after reading the book. She twitched and told her, "Mom, I'm not a good boy." Instead, she became even more afraid of expressing her emotions.

The idea of ​​creating emotion management picture books in the children's book circle originally went in two completely different directions, and they have been arguing for more than ten years without reaching a conclusion. Most of the old-school creators in the early years agreed with "efficiency first", that is, they directly give clear behavioral boundaries to young children - negative emotions will bring bad results. As long as you follow the standards in the book, you can become a popular child. Picture books with this idea are better at being straightforward and easy to understand. Elderly people can also follow them when reading with them. Many elders especially like to buy them, thinking that they "can teach children principles."

Internet celebrity emotional picture books that have become popular in the past few years basically follow the "emotional acceptance school" approach, such as the well-known "My Emotional Little Monster", "Angry Soup", and "Feifei is Angry". The core logic is to first tell the child that "anger, sadness, jealousy, and shyness are all normal emotions, and there is no distinction between good and bad." First, help the child find the corresponding name for the vague discomfort in his heart, and then slowly teach him how to relieve it. But this school is not without controversy. I have seen many parents complain, saying that their children are more "reasonable" after reading this set, and they throw toys when they get angry. When asked, he still feels righteous: "Picture books say it is normal to be angry! ”

In fact, this kind of problem will occur. In many cases, it’s not that the picture books are bad, but that you didn’t choose the right one that suits your child’s age. For example, a child who is over 2 years old and has just entered the language explosion period cannot even say the words "I'm angry". It will definitely be useless for you to explain to him. It is suitable to buy the kind with exaggerated colors and even interactive mechanisms. The kind that can pull out a red monster with explosive hair when turning the page, and can produce sound effects when pinched. First, help him match the feeling of "chest tightness, wanting to throw things, and can't help crying" with the word "angry". My neighbor’s 2-and-a-half-year-old girl used to bite people when she couldn’t grab toys. Her mother bought a set of picture books with emotional stickers. Now she stamps her feet and shouts “I’m so angry right now!” I'm going to explode! ”——Although I still can't hold back my temper, at least I don't have to bite anyone anymore, which is already a big improvement.

I had dinner with a friend who has been an editor of children's books for seven years. She told me that when choosing emotional picture books, you don't even need to look at the must-buy list of any e-commerce platform. You can tell whether you can buy it after turning three pages. If there are frequent preaching lines such as "you should", "you can't" and "this is the right thing to do", just put it back on the shelf. A truly useful emotional picture book always hides "how to do it" in the story: it's not just shouting "you have to learn to regulate your emotions", it's Hoss in "Angry Soup" who screams at the pot, sticks out his tongue, bangs the spoon, and spreads his anger in the soup. ； It was Feifei in "Feifei is Angry" who ran out, climbed to the old oak tree to enjoy the wind, and watched the sea in the distance slowly calm down. You must give your child specific ways to relieve yourself that can be followed. Otherwise, if he only knows that "it's normal to be angry," he will of course just follow his old method of throwing things to vent his anger.

To be honest, many parents have bought a bunch of picture books and feel they are useless. It is really not the fault of the picture books, but the way you accompany them to read them. Last time I met a mother at a picture book store who was reading "My Little Emotional Monster" with her child. The child said, "I'm jealous of Duoduo's new strawberry hairpins today." She opened her mouth and said, "What's there to be jealous about? Mom will buy you ten tomorrow." The opportunity for emotional guidance passed just like that. If you follow the content of the picture book and say, "Oh, so there is a green jealous little monster living in your heart today?" Does it make you feel sad? ”, just this sentence is more useful than buying ten Internet celebrity picture books.

Oh, by the way, I met a programmer father a while ago. He felt that the picture books on the market were too "fake", so he used his iPad to draw a set of exclusive emotional picture books, which were all about their family's daily life: The father was angry when he grabbed the remote control from his child last time, and hid on the balcony eating ice cream. There is a plot to calm down the anger. The last time the baby drew her mother's lipstick on the wall, and the mother took a deep breath in anger. In the end, every time the two of them had an argument, they would go to the refrigerator to get two popsicles and sit and eat them. The baby loves reading this book now, more precious than any imported picture book I bought. To put it bluntly, no matter how good the emotion management picture book is, it is not as effective as parents explaining it in front of their children when they are angry - after all, children always watch what you do, not what you say.