Emotion management blackboard

Many people ask, “How do ordinary people manage their emotions? ”, the core conclusion is here for now - there is no need to pursue "absolutely no negative emotions", and there is no need to stick to the so-called universal template. The essence of effective emotional management is to "read emotional signals, accept emotional fluctuations, and find a transformation path that suits you." There is no standard answer, and usefulness is more important than "correct".

Last week, I worked with my colleagues in the operation department until three in the morning to revise the plan. Party A called me and wanted to overturn the entire framework. At that time, I smashed the keyboard on the table and almost exploded it. My fingertips just happened to touch the orange hard candy in my pocket. I peeled it off and stuffed it in my mouth. I frowned in soreness. The fire that rushed to Tianling Gai actually went down halfway. It's funny to say that I have been using this method for four or five years, and it is ten thousand times more effective than the "deep breathing for tens of seconds" taught in all textbooks - I actually counted it, and when I counted to the third second, all I could think of was "Why should I endure it?", which made me even more angry.

The current opinions on emotion management on the market actually go to two extremes. It’s hard to say who is right and who is wrong. The adaptation scenarios are completely different. One type is the "emotional dissipation school" that is most popular in workplace classes. Their slogan is "Mature people have given up their emotions long ago." They advocate that all emotions should be suppressed on the spot and must not affect decision-making and interpersonal relationships. Last year, I took an executive communication class worth nearly a thousand yuan. The teacher could even teach me "how to smile and say congratulations when a colleague takes away the credit." I felt guilty for almost half a month after listening to it. I felt that the last time I was stepped on by someone on the subway and I rolled my eyes, it was a typical example of low emotional intelligence. It wasn't until later that I saw the teacher scolding the rider in the lobby of the office building because the takeout was late, that I realized that this logic is anti-human: Emotions are not switches, so how can you turn them off at the drop of a hat? The suppressed emotions will not disappear, they will only turn into breast nodules and thyroid cysts on your physical examination report.

The other type is the "emotional release school" advocated by many psychological counselors, which advocates that emotions should be fully accepted and vented whenever they are needed. Only by holding back can psychological problems occur. My childhood friend who works as a psychiatrist in a tertiary hospital is a loyal fan of this method. Last time I mentioned to her that I occasionally get angry due to the recent stress. She chased me for three days and asked if I had any signs of chest tightness or breast swelling. She also insisted on sending me a set of Screaming Chicken for venting. But this isn’t a panacea. You can’t just have a meeting with a client and throw something on the spot to vent your frustration, right? What you lose in the end is your own performance.

To be honest, the best way to manage emotions that I have ever seen was taught by Aunt Zhang whom I met last time when I went to the community to do volunteer activities. Every time after an argument with her husband, she would carry a plastic bag to pick up waste paper shells and plastic bottles next to the trash can downstairs. After saving ten kilograms, she would sell them and buy a soy sauce duck. She said, "The anger I got from the quarrel can be made back with a soy sauce duck. One bite of the oily and sizzling food will dissipate all the anger." Do you think this method can be found in textbooks? There is no academic basis, but for her, it is a hundred times better than mindfulness meditation and emotional diary.

Many people think that emotional management is useless. It is essentially a matter of imitating other people's templates and applying them incorrectly. People say that mindfulness meditation is useful. If you sit for ten minutes, your mind will be full of unfinished PPTs and unanswered work messages. The more you sit, the more irritated you will be. It’s not that the method is wrong, but that your life rhythms are different. There is also a very common misunderstanding: many people regard negative emotions as a scourge. When they are a little irritable or aggrieved, they blame their poor emotional management skills. In fact, this is not the case at all - you will instinctively become irritable when you think about interacting with a colleague. Most likely, it is not that you have an emotional problem, but that the person has really cheated you before. ； If you feel suffocated when you work overtime, it's not because you can't bear the hardship. It's because your body is sending you a signal that "your current efforts and rewards are not equal." Emotions are here to tell you a message. When you come up, you will beat the person who delivers the message. When something serious happens, you won't even have a warning.

Oh, by the way, I checked a research data in "Psychosomatic Medicine" before: People who occasionally vent their negative emotions appropriately have a 32% lower incidence of cardiovascular disease than those who suppress their emotions for a long time, and are also less likely to suffer from chronic pain and sleep disorders. So really don’t think of emotion management as a self-PUA tool. It is originally used to make you more comfortable, not to let you put the shackles of "must be emotionally stable" on yourself.

That’s all for today’s blackboard report. After all, there is no unified standard for this matter: If you just eat hot pot when you are angry, then hot pot is your exclusive emotional management tool.； If running five kilometers can relieve your anger, then running shoes are your emotional prescription. Don't be bound by those "must-read things for high emotional intelligence" and "rules for mature people". The method that makes you live comfortably is the best method. If you have any weird and useful tips, you can also write them in the comment area, and we will share them in the next issue of the Blackboard News~