Barry The core of improving emotional adjustment ability is never to "suppress emotions" or "learn to vent", but to establish the ability to perceive emotions first, and then gradually find a suitable buffer coping mode, without forcing yourself to become an "adult without emotions" immediately.
There are actually quite a lot of disputes about this matter on the Internet. One school says that emotions must not be suppressed, and if there is a fire, it must be sent immediately, otherwise it will be easy to suppress nodules and affect health; The other school says that the core accomplishment of adults is emotional stability, and people who write their emotions on their faces can't do anything. The two arguments have their own supporters, and the argument is quite fierce. In fact, both statements are a bit extreme. It's really cool for you to strike a table with your partner on the spot, but it's even more annoying when you have to clean up the mess later. But if you keep your emotions down, it's like putting a ball into the water. When you release your hand, it will bounce higher, but it will be more difficult to clean up. After a long time, it is easy to have somatic reactions such as migraine and gastrointestinal discomfort. Several friends around me have stepped on these pits.
My friend Xiao Xia, who used to be an operator, was stabbed by Party A before, or went back on the spot. It was cool, but the project was yellow and was deducted for half a month, and he went back to emo for almost a week. Later, I forced myself to learn "emotional stability". No matter what Party A said, I smiled and replied. When I got home from work, I hid in the quilt and cried. I had a migraine for three months, and there was no organic problem when I went to the hospital. The doctor said that it was caused by emotional backlog.
In fact, to put it bluntly, emotions are like a leaky faucet in the kitchen. You just mop the floor-whether you vent or suppress it, you are dealing with "leaked water"-it is useless. You must first find out where the leaking switch is. The process of finding the switch is emotional awareness. Don't use any complicated methods. The next time you feel blood rushing to your head and your throat tightening, stop for 3 seconds. You don't have to rush to talk or endure. Just recognize "Oh, I am angry now" and "Oh, I feel wronged now". This step will help you avoid 80% of impulsive decisions.
I've tried it for half a year myself, and I've sorted out a few small methods that can be used in different scenes. You don't have to spend time practicing it, just do it when you encounter it:
| Common scenes | Small things that can be done immediately. | Long-term adjustment direction |
|---|---|---|
| Being accused at work/study instantly goes to the head. | Keep an iced cup/drink at hand, hold it for 3 seconds before opening your mouth. | Take 10 minutes a week to take "emotional notes", only write down the trigger points and feelings, without judging right or wrong. |
| Intimate relationship quarrels get more and more exciting. | Say "I'm a little emotional now, talk to you later in 10 minutes" and leave the scene temporarily. | Return to your "emotional minefield" after each calm, and say hello to each other in advance. |
| I can't sit still without rhyme or reason. | Go to the window and jump three times on tiptoe, staring at the distant green plants and counting ten leaves. | Aerobic exercise for more than 30 minutes twice a week is much more stable than drinking Anshen tea. |
Don't tell me, this method is really useful. Before, my colleague who docked with me lost my project plan for a week, and in turn blamed me for not sending it to him. Before, I would definitely have to argue with him for half an hour. On that day, I held the ice American at hand for three seconds, and I recognized "I am very angry now" first, and then calmly threw him the sending records and backup files in the chat record, saying, "I sent it to you last Wednesday. If you didn't save it, you can ask in advance next time." In order to save us all from working overtime, he was embarrassed to apologize on the spot. Finally, the two of us finished the finishing work in half an hour. Before, I was so angry that I couldn't eat any food after quarreling that I couldn't wait for an afternoon.
In fact, you really don't need to treat emotional adjustment as a skill that needs to be practiced. To put it bluntly, you just need to get familiar with your emotions. When you know when it will come, you don't need to treat it as a scourge, and you don't need to treat it as an uncle to make trouble. Leave it a small step, and it will leave on its own for a while. After a long time, you will naturally know how to get along with it.
