On the methods and skills of emotional management

There is no "universal formula" for emotional management that is applicable to all people and all scenarios. All the methods that have been proved to be effective by academics and clinics at present are essentially based on the logic of "first perceiving emotions, then accepting emotions, and finally choosing an appropriate way to respond to emotions". You don't need to force yourself to adapt to a certain "standard answer", but it is useful to find a method that matches your personality and scenario.

Many people's first misunderstanding of emotional management is to equate it with "suppressing emotions" and "not losing your temper". A while ago, I met a visitor who was a technical team manager. In order to meet the expectations of the outside world for a "mature manager", he kept all negative emotions for half a year. His subordinates stabbed him, but he didn't scold him. The boss dumped the pot, and even quarreled with his girlfriend, forcing him to "calm down" first. Finally, he was hospitalized with a gastric ulcer. The doctor broke it and told him that half of the disease was caused by illness and the other half was caused by gas. You see, suppressing emotions is not management at all, but turning emotions into a time bomb buried in the body.

Interestingly, "whether emotions should be vented or controlled" has always been a controversial point in the industry. The school that advocates immediate venting believes that untreated emotions will accumulate into somatic reactions, and thyroid nodules, breast hyperplasia and migraine are all related to long-term emotional depression; The school that advocates delayed reaction thinks that uncontrolled emotional venting will strengthen negative feelings and easily destroy interpersonal relationships. It is cool for you to strike a table with your boss in front of the whole company, and the chances of subsequent promotion and salary increase are gone. In fact, both views are correct, and the core is that you should choose the right scene.

I have contacted hundreds of cases with emotional distress, and found that the effective methods commonly used by everyone basically come from several mainstream schools of psychology. No one is high or low, and adaptability is the most important. I have compiled an adaptation table of common methods for your reference:

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There is no need to memorize these theories. Many of the methods I use every day have no theoretical basis, so just use them easily. For example, when I quarreled with the product manager before, I was about to slam the keyboard. I suddenly remembered the tips I saw before, and looked down at the keyboard: three blue shortcut keys, two white letter keys and one black function key. After counting, the strength of rushing up was instantly drained, and then I talked about the plan without emotion. Finally, the modified version was more reasonable than I thought at first. And my impatient best friend, it's too much trouble to learn emotional diaries and mindfulness breathing. Later, she found a way to clean the toilet when she was angry, and when she wiped the toilet, the gas disappeared and she earned a clean bathroom. Isn't this more practical than any tall therapy?

Don't say that many people can't find a suitable method, and the essence is always thinking about "eliminating emotions." But emotions are a part of your body. Happiness is normal, anger is normal, and grievances are normal. It is a messenger who sends you a letter, telling you that "this matter makes you uncomfortable" and "you need to rest now". You must beat the messenger away, and it will only bring a bigger letter next time.

I have used the method of "emotional notebook" for four or five years to share it with you: no matter what emotions come up, don't worry about logic, don't worry about right and wrong, just pick up a pen and scribble, swear, spit and circle, and tear it away after writing a page, without leaving it. This method is particularly rough, and there is no academic basis for telling it out, but for my highly sensitive personality, it is more useful than asking a consultant for an hour.

In fact, in the end, you will find that emotional management is not to practice "emotions are invisible" at all, nor is it always positive and sunny. Just like when you drive on the road, it is not safe to disassemble the engine, but you can hold the steering wheel and know when to step on the accelerator and brake. Even if you bump into a pit occasionally, you know that this is normal, and you can continue to drive after a while. There is no perfect emotional management method. It is the best if you are comfortable and don't hurt others or yourself.