relieve depression

The core logic of alleviating depression is never to force yourself to "be happy quickly", but to first give up the obsession of "recovering quickly", prioritize using low-energy, implementable small actions to interrupt the cycle of emotional internal consumption, and then match professional intervention or self-help programs according to your own status.

To be honest, in the three years I have been working as a psychological assistant, I have seen too many people fall into this trap when they first develop depression: they follow the "self-healing checklist" on the Internet, forcing themselves to run three kilometers a day, write a 500-word emotional diary, and go out to socialize. In the end, they collapse in less than three days. Instead, they have an extra layer of self-attack of "I can't even do such a simple thing, I'm really useless." Last year I met a girl who worked in Internet operations. When she had an attack, she couldn't even raise her hand to turn on the light. She forced herself to follow the guide and discipline herself for three days. She sent me a message in the middle of the night crying, saying that she felt that she would never get better in this life. Later, I asked her to remove all the requirements except for one: She only needs to stand with her feet on the ground for ten seconds every day to complete the task. She thought it was ridiculous at first, and she stood like this for half a month. One day while standing, she suddenly wanted to pour herself a glass of warm water, and she slowly recovered.

When I was studying with a CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)-oriented supervisor before, he always said that many times the source of depression is "cognitive fusion" - you regard the thought "I am bad" in your mind as fact. At this time, the easiest way to untie it is to find a piece of paper and write down 3 "done things" no matter how small they were that day, such as "I drank a sip of warm water today", "watered the flowers" and "said thank you when I picked up the express delivery". It doesn't matter how big it is, as long as it is the truth. Of course, some visitors complained to me that this method was useless, saying, "I don't even have the energy to find paper to write on, and it makes me think about three things. Isn't it just adding to the confusion?" This is completely normal. The method is meant to serve others. If it is not suitable, just throw it away. There is no need to embarrass yourself in order to be "correct."

What I usually use the most is the small method of the embodied cognition school. You may think it is too simple when I say it: when you feel emotional, clench your fists and hold them for 3 seconds, and then loosen them suddenly. Repeat 5 times. If you have cold water on hand, it is better to pat your cheeks twice. This is to activate the vagus nerve through body movements and quickly lower the heart rate. Many times, the tight feeling in your chest will relax a little before you even realize it. Don’t think the method is too small. I have seen several patients with acute anxiety and depression, and they relied on this action to survive on the way to the hospital. There are also colleagues who prefer psychodynamic orientation who do not approve of this method, saying that it is "treating the symptoms but not the root cause." But I always feel that only by reducing the current pain can we have the energy to talk about "treating the root cause," right?

Oh, by the way, a topic that has been particularly hotly debated on the Internet recently: When depression comes, should we “accept” it or “transfer” it? One group says that acceptance is the foundation, and transfer is escape. The other group says that holding on to feelings will only make it more painful. I think there is nothing to argue about between the two of you. It all depends on your current state: if you are just a little unmotivated right now and can still sit still, then you might as well try to sit for a while and feel where this emotion comes from. Have you accumulated too many unspoken grievances recently? If you are so uncomfortable that you can't sit still, or even have thoughts of self-harm, don't talk about acceptance. Go and watch 10 minutes of funny cat and dog videos, or go downstairs to buy a popsicle to eat. First, lower your emotional peak. Living and being comfortable are more important than "political correctness".

There is another thing that must be emphasized: not all depression can be adjusted by oneself. If you haven't been able to sleep well or wake up for more than two weeks in a row, nothing you eat tastes good, you no longer have the slightest interest in the things you once loved most, and you even occasionally feel that "living is meaningless", don't just go to a regular mental health center or the psychiatric department of a tertiary hospital for an evaluation. If you need to take medicine as prescribed by your doctor, take it. If you want to seek consultation, go to a consultant registered in the Chinese Psychological Association. Don’t believe the nonsense on the Internet that “you can get out of depression by relying on willpower.” Depression that is really pathological is just like taking insulin for diabetes. Taking medicine is the most normal thing.

In fact, to put it bluntly, depression is one of the normal emotional reactions of human beings, just like when it rains and people catch colds, it is not something shameful. You don’t have to force yourself to get better immediately, and you don’t have to be imitative because other people’s methods work well. Even if you just breathed an extra breath of fresh air today, you have won.