What are the differences between parenting and child health?

Simply put, children's health is the core bottom-line dimension in parenting practice, but there are obvious differences in the core appeals, coverage boundaries, practical logic and even evaluation standards of the two. Many novice families tend to confuse the two, which leads to many unnecessary pitfalls.

A while ago, I met a mother in a community whose 2-year-old child weighed 1 kilogram less than the average weight for the same age. She was so anxious that she would chase after her to feed her every day. She filled the dining table with probiotics, calcium, iron, and zinc supplements, but her child was rolling around in the supermarket, asking for toys, and hitting the elderly casually. She waved her hand again and said, "Children are young and ignorant, and they will be fine when they grow up." This is a typical example of narrowing parenting to children's health, focusing only on physical development indicators, and completely unaware that behavioral guidance and emotional cognitive cultivation are the core components of parenting.

Talking about children's health itself, its core is centered around the physical and mental health of children of all ages. Almost all judgment criteria have clear evidence-based medical basis. For example, 6-month-olds should gradually add complementary foods, 3-year-olds should sleep for 11-13 hours a day, and myopia prevention and control should ensure 2 hours of daytime outdoor activities. These are bottom-line requirements verified by a large number of studies. Stepping over the line may have irreversible effects on children, and there is basically no room for bargaining. Previously, a neighbor's baby couldn't crawl at 10 months old. The child care doctor assessed that gross motor development was lagging behind and asked the parents to follow the designated rehabilitation training every day. The old man also said, "Some children just walk early and crawl late, so there is no need to worry." In the end, it took half a month of hard training for the child to catch up with the pace of development. At this time, the judgment standard is rigid and cannot be allowed to "just follow fate."

The scope of parenting is much broader. It is essentially the entire growth support system for parents to accompany their children from birth to adulthood. Health is only the foundation. It also covers multiple dimensions such as character shaping, habit cultivation, socialization guidance, interest exploration and even frustration resistance training. Most of these contents do not have a unified standard answer. There are two viewpoints that are often quarreling on the Internet today. One group says that "parenting requires only the children to be healthy and happy, and there is no need to force anything else." The other group says, "Health alone is of no use. You will have to work hard to get into school and get a job in the future. Parenting will have to be small." The arguments are fruitless. The essence is that the boundary between the two is not clear: the former treats the bottom line requirements of child care as the entire goal, while the latter treats the personalized choice of child care as a hard target that must be met. Both have gone to extremes.

To use an inappropriate analogy, children's health is like the acceptance standards for the foundation of a house. There are clear test values ​​for whether the steel bar grade is sufficient, whether the cement is up to standard, and whether there is any potential settlement hazard. If it fails, construction will never proceed.； Parenting is the subsequent decoration and layout design of the entire house. Whether you adopt a simple style or a new Chinese style, leave more space for a play area or fill up the bookshelves in advance, it all depends on the needs of each family and the characteristics of the child. There is no so-called "standard answer".

When I was working as a charity supporter for childcare in the community, I often encountered two generations quarreling over raising their children. The old people always thought, "I raised you so big that you won't get sick or suffer any disasters. As long as you don't bump into each other and don't get sick, you are raising a child well." However, young people always feel that they need to do early education, establish rules, and learn special skills, which makes them quarrel. In essence, the evaluation standards of children's health are directly applied to the entire parenting process. Of course, the two are not completely separated. For example, children who have long-term chaotic schedules and long-term anxiety will also affect health indicators such as immunity and development. Children with good physical health will also be in better shape, whether they are adapting to collective life or learning new things. By clarifying the boundary between the two, you can feel less unnecessary anxiety when raising a baby. Once the bottom line is maintained, the rest can be done as you feel comfortable.