What are the differences and connections between parenting and children’s health?

To put it simply, there is no subordinate relationship between the two. Parenting is the sum of dynamic behaviors covering the entire process of children’s growth. Children’s health is not only the core anchor of parenting, but also the core indicator for evaluating the quality of parenting. The two are deeply embedded in each other but have clear boundaries. There is no need to separate the two.

I have been a family parenting coach for 5 years, and I have met many parents who confuse the two. Last time, a mother from Hangzhou came to me and said that she supplemented her baby with DHA, did height management, checked trace elements every quarter, and paid close attention to all health-related matters. Why is her baby still afraid of birth, crying for two whole months in kindergarten, and always chewing her nails and throwing tantrums? In fact, she narrowed the definition of children's health and equated parenting with "protecting health." The WHO's current definition of children's health originally includes three levels of complete physical, psychological and social adaptability. It is essentially a resultant state description. When you take your baby to measure the growth curve and do developmental assessment, you are essentially verifying whether this state is up to standard. But parenting is different. It is the sum of all the small actions you take every day to make milk for your baby, read picture books with him, talk to him about minor conflicts with children in kindergarten, and even apologize after quarreling with your baby. It is dynamic, process-oriented, and even includes There are many parts that are not directly related to "improving health" - for example, you take your child to see fireflies in the countryside on weekends, allow him to step in puddles and get muddy, and teach him to recognize the wild flowers on the roadside. These actions themselves do not point to the improvement of health indicators, but they are all part of parenting. To use an inappropriate metaphor, it's like planting a pot of sunflowers. Children's health is the final state of "the plant is tall and straight, the flower disk is full, and there are no diseases and insect pests." However, parenting is all the actions you take to water, fertilize, loosen the soil, turn it to follow the light, and occasionally protect it from heavy rain. The boundaries are actually very clear.

Then again, even if you take your baby to step in puddles just to let him have fun, you will subconsciously choose clean standing water and change dry socks for him immediately after playing to avoid catching a cold. This is the natural way of parenting that puts children's health as the bottom line. I once met a father who is an outdoor enthusiast. He took his baby on short hikes and camping trips when he was just 3 years old. At first, the elders in the family objected, saying that the baby was too young and exhausted, and would easily get scars if bumped outdoors. As a result, before each trip, he checked with the child care doctor in advance to confirm the baby's joint development status and chose the least difficult option. During the hiking route, the baby is equipped with special child protection gear. The daily walking amount is strictly controlled within the baby's tolerance. He also carries disinfectants and emergency medicines with him. Now that the baby is 5 years old, he is not only physically stronger than children of the same age, but also has a particularly strong ability to adapt to the environment and a strong sense of autonomy. The last time the child care assessment was conducted, the physical and psychological development were all excellent. You see, good parenting is never about "freezing" away from children's health. Instead, it breaks down the requirements of all dimensions of children's health into every small detail of daily life.

There are indeed two fiercely debated views in the parenting circle. One group believes that "parenting must make way for children's health, and all movements that may affect health must be cut off." Therefore, children are not allowed to run or jump for fear of falling, and children are not allowed to touch the sand for fear of bacteria. Even cold boiled water must be allowed to dry to 37 degrees before drinking.； The other group believes that "the priority in parenting is to raise happy children, and health is just a by-product and does not need to be paid attention to." They even give children as much junk food as they want, and don't care if they stay up until 11 or 12 o'clock to watch short videos. In fact, the problem with these two views is that they essentially separate parenting from children's health: the former regards health as the only goal and turns parenting into "sterile cabin maintenance". On the contrary, it limits the child's desire to explore and even prevents the normal development of the child's immunity and anti-frustration abilities. ； The latter makes parenting a borderline laissez-faire approach, making the child happy in the short term but damaging the child's physical and mental health in the long term.

When I usually provide guidance to parents, I always say that there is really no need to push the boundaries between the two. When cooking for your child, you should take into account nutrition and his taste. When playing with your child, let him have fun but avoid dangerous actions. When your child has a tantrum, you should first catch his emotions and then slowly guide him. In fact, it is a good combination of the two. Raising a child is basically a matter of crossing the river by feeling the stones. There are no black and white standard answers.