manifestations of mental health

Mental health has never had a standardized evaluation list. Its core essence is an individual's inner self-coordination, adaptability to the external environment, and tolerance of negative states - it has nothing to do with "always happy", "no negative emotions" and "never conflict with others".

I once met a young girl who had just graduated for consultation. The first thing she said when she came in was "I think I have a mental problem. Last week I had an argument with my roommate and I couldn't help crying. I haven't talked to her for three days." In her understanding, a mentally healthy person should always be emotionally calm and be able to handle all interpersonal relationships well. This is not the case at all.

Interestingly, psychology practitioners with different orientations actually have slightly different criteria for judging mental health: My friends who do psychoanalysis always tell me that whether a person is in good condition depends on whether he can express love and aggression happily. You don’t have to swallow all your grievances to maintain the persona of a "good person". Colleagues who do cognitive behavioral work pay more attention to "not overgeneralizing": they will not label themselves "I am a waste" just because they failed in an interview. They understand that "I did not do this well" and "I am a good person" are two completely independent things. The most common thing that humanistic counselors mention is "self-acceptance": you don't have to live to meet other people's expectations. You just want to stay at home and watch TV shows on weekends. There is no need to force yourself to participate in ineffective social networking and make connections. Your own comfort always comes first.

When I was doing psychological science popularization in the community, I met many ordinary people who were in particularly good condition. They were either elites with high education and high incomes, or Sister Zhang who ran a fruit shop downstairs. In the past two years, her family suffered a loss of hundreds of thousands in business during the epidemic, and her husband broke his leg. I was worried that she would not be able to think about it. , I went to the store to see her, but she complained to me while chewing an apple, "It's all bad luck, what else can I do, just take your time." Turning around, he saw an old lady who lived alone who often came to buy fruit. She also gave him two more oranges and said, "Your teeth are so soft." Do you think she has any difficulties? There must be, she may have cried countless times in the middle of the night, but she will not be trapped by that difficulty. She should do things as she should and be kind to others. This is the most real mental health.

When it comes to this, I have to mention the statement that made a lot of noise on the Internet before, saying that emotional stability is the highest standard of mental health. On the contrary, I think this statement is a bit absolute. I have actually seen many people, in pursuit of "emotional stability", force themselves to smile when their hands are shaking when they are so angry, and then turn around to hold back their heads and stomachs, and go to the hospital to check but nothing wrong is found. This is a typical example of "pseudo-health." True emotional flexibility is not losing your temper. It means that you don’t fall into endless self-condemnation after getting angry. You can get up and do whatever you want after you are sad. It is like a rubber band. It can be stretched and bounced back. It will not break as soon as it is pulled, nor is it so hard that it cannot be pulled.

Oh, by the way, don’t apply those “Ten Mental Health Standards” on the Internet to yourself. Last time I saw a standard that said “Men with mental health are always passionate about life.” Isn’t this nonsense? Who hasn’t wanted to get out of bed or go to work? As long as you don't get stuck in a state of not wanting to do anything for a long time and you can get up and cook a bowl of noodles by yourself, then there's no big problem.

After all, mental health is like the shoes under your feet. No matter how good it looks to outsiders, only you know whether it is comfortable or not. There is no need to always worry about whether you are not "healthy" enough. Occasionally emo, occasionally lose your temper, occasionally want to escape, these are all normal things - after all, we are living people, not machines that run according to programs, right?