Emotional management is not in place

Inadequate emotional management is never a personality defect or a poor endurance, but the essence is the result of the joint action of "emotional cognitive deviation, mismatch between coping methods and their own characteristics, and insufficient energy reserve"-there is no universal "perfect emotional management template", and all suggestions that require you to "keep your emotions stable at all times" are essentially anti-human.

Last week, I had hot pot with my friend Xiao A, who is engaged in e-commerce operation. She just sat down and became red-eyed. She said that yesterday, when she docked the promotion page, the collaborative design temporarily said that she would change three main visions. There were only 48 hours left before she went online. She couldn't resist dropping the mouse in front of the whole group, and then she hid in the fire escape and cried for 20 minutes. The first sentence of the boss's conversation with her was "You need to practice your emotional management skills".

This is probably the first cognition of many people on emotional management: it is wrong to lose your temper, but it is powerful to hold it back. But the discussion about emotional management, in fact, the mainstream voice has been noisy for several years, which is completely the logic of two directions. I have sorted out the core differences between the two, and you can refer to it according to your own situation:

I have kept an emotional diary for three years. I have tried both methods, and the pit I stepped on can hold a laundry list. Before, I followed the online learning "When I was angry, I waited for 10 seconds before opening my mouth". Once I tried to iterate the demand with the product, I got even more angry when I counted to the seventh second-I recalled all the broken things that he had changed the demand three times before, and finally I not only dropped my notebook, but also turned out what he had done for me half a month ago, and regretted it for a whole week afterwards.

Later, I found out that my biggest problem before was that I regarded "negative emotions" as a scourge, and felt that anger, anxiety and injustice were all my own problems. I didn't know until I chatted with a friend who was doing clinical psychology last year that emotion is essentially a signal sent by your body: you feel anxious, reminding you that the risk of this matter has not been covered; You feel angry because someone stepped on your border and you haven't reacted yet; You feel wronged because your own needs have not been seen. My HR friend always blamed herself for being too hard on the interviewer before, but later she found out that every time she couldn't help being angry, it was when the interviewer faked and boasted on her resume, but her emotions became her most accurate lie detector.

There are still many people who say that poor emotional management is a "personality problem" and that highly sensitive people are easily emotional. In fact, it is not, but the method you use does not match your characteristics. Just like you can't tell a nearsighted person not to wear glasses and say, "You can see clearly with your eyes wide open", right? I know a highly sensitive planner. She never forces herself to "endure". Instead, she gives everyone a vaccination in advance: "If I speak faster and speak louder when docking, please remind me that I will get a glass of water." Every time she is about to blow up, she goes out for three minutes to blow her mind, and then she can continue talking when she comes back. There has never been any big problem.

By the way, there is another point that everyone rarely mentions: 90% of emotions are out of control, all of which happen when your energy is insufficient. Last year, I stayed up for four days in a row to catch up with a quarterly report. On the last morning, my aunt who sold breakfast downstairs gave me less fried dough sticks. I stood on the side of the road for three minutes and almost cried. Do you think this is my poor emotional management? It's my lack of sleep Later, I made a rule for myself: as long as I stayed up late for more than 2 days, I would try not to arrange the matchmaking meeting that needs to be torn up or make important decisions, otherwise I would regret it with great probability.

Of course, many people now say that "emotional management is to give up emotions", which I think is totally unnecessary. Look at those people who can get things done. They are not without emotions. Dong Mingzhu scolded unqualified suppliers in front of the whole company, and Yu Minhong also spoke out about the pit of capital in public. They just don't get caught up in their emotions-they turn to solve problems after they get angry, and they don't worry about "Should I have lost my temper just now?" On the contrary, they are much more reliable than those who hold back and turn their heads behind their backs.

In fact, there is really no need to label yourself as "emotional management is not in place" just because you lose your temper once in a while. We are not robots with unified factory settings, so how can we be safe at all times? As long as your emotions don't cause irreparable damage, bombing once in a while can help you to brighten the border and save a lot of subsequent troubles, which is much better than suppressing a disease, right?