Emotional management strategy

Really effective emotional management is never "suppressing emotions" or "venting at any time", but a dynamic process of "first perceiving, then accepting, and finally matching personalized adjustment tools". There is no universal formula, and all "standard answers" that leave personal personality and specific scenes are basically useless chicken soup.

Tell the truth, you must have encountered this situation: brush to the blogger that "meditation is the god of emotional management", and then sit for ten minutes, but the more you sit, the more annoying you get, and your mind is full of unfinished reports; I heard a friend say, "I can't hold back my emotions and vent them." I turned my head and made an anonymous fire at my subordinates. Afterwards, I felt guilty and couldn't sleep for half a night. Everyone always regards emotional management as a standardized skill that needs to be graded. In fact, it is more like finding shoes that fit. Others wear comfortable models, and it may not be appropriate for you to wear your feet.

At present, the mainstream emotion regulation ideas in the industry mainly come from three schools, and there is no difference between high and low, but the adaptation crowd is completely different:

The core of cognitive behavior school (CBT) is "Change your mind and change your mood", and the most typical one is Ellis ABC theory-the trigger event A is just the introduction, and your belief in the event B is the core reason leading to the emotional result C. It's like when someone steps on your foot to get angry when you catch the subway, and you look up and find that the other person is visually impaired, and your anger disappears instantly. The essence is that your beliefs have changed and your emotions have naturally changed. This method is especially useful for people who are used to rational thinking, but people who are naturally sensitive and have been wrapped in emotions will be particularly disgusted: "I am so sad that you still want me to find my own problems?"

Mindfulness school takes another path, the core of which is "no judgment, only observation". Without rushing to change your mind or suppress your emotions, you jump out and become a bystander: "Oh, my chest is tight now, my cheeks are burning, and I am angry, that's all." Many large factories offer mindfulness classes and breathing exercises to their employees, but many impatient people can't accept it at all: "I'm burning my eyebrows and let me sit and breathe?" Doesn't this delay things? "

Another school is the idea of expressive art therapy, the core of which is "Emotion is energy, so we need to find a place to export it, and don't get stuck in the body". We don't have to talk about logic or sit still, scribble lines, knead clay, play drums for half an hour, and go to the park to spit on the tree, as long as we vent our panic-stricken strength. But this method should be careful for people who love to ruminate excessively. It was just a little fidgety at first, and the more you write an emotional diary, the more wronged you get, but you can't get out of it.

I have done three years of user consultation related to emotions, sorted out several corresponding schemes of high-frequency scenes, and made a list for your reference. You don't have to do all of them, just choose your own comfortable test:

Now there are quite a few disputes about emotional management on the Internet. One school says that "emotional stability is the best match for adults" and requires people to be peaceful and decent at all times. Another school said that "emotional stability is to suppress yourself, and sooner or later, cancer will be suppressed", advocating that if you are angry, you should scatter it on the spot. In fact, the two statements are quite extreme. I have seen the marketing director who is always mild and gentle on the surface, and I have to take anti-anxiety drugs to fall asleep when I go home. I have also seen the workshop master who blows up at a little bit, forgets after losing my temper, and never suffers from internal friction. To put it bluntly, the core indicator of emotional management is never "will you get angry", but "will your emotions make you regret things and will affect your life for a long time", as long as you can be responsible for your choices.

Let's talk about my own little thing. Last week, I rushed to the plan until three o'clock in the morning. Party A suddenly sent a message saying that the previous direction was completely overturned and I had to change it. At that time, I directly threw the keyboard on the table and scolded the empty room for five minutes. Then I went to the refrigerator to touch a can of iced coke and sat back to change it. I didn't hold back my grievances, nor did I tell Party A that it was difficult to obey and lose my list. This is the emotional management method that suits me. You see, it's really not that complicated. You don't have to force yourself to be perfect, emotional adult. It's nothing at all as long as it doesn't hurt people or yourself.