Diary of Emotional Management

There is no universal formula that can suit everyone. Don't force yourself to be an "emotionally stable adult who never loses his temper", and don't let emotional impulses do things that you regret. The most suitable method for you is the one that can make you quickly pull away from your emotions within 10 minutes without leaving any subsequent internal friction.

Last Wednesday, I rushed to the client's revision plan until four o'clock in the morning. Just after lying for less than two hours, the music of "Compendium of Materia Medica" came from the living room, and the little girl who shared the room was banging on the floor with aerobics. I was "buzzing" in my head. I got up in my pajamas and rushed to the door. My hands were on the doorknob and I was ready to curse at the top of my voice. My fingertips suddenly came across the crumpled emotional card in my pocket-it was given to me by the counselor when I went to do public welfare psychological counseling last month, and more than 20 common emotional labels were printed on the front.

I subconsciously felt it out and glanced at it. I happened to see the words "Anger after sleep deprivation". At that moment, I suddenly relaxed a little: Oh, I am angry now because this roommate deliberately targeted me, or I am sleepy. People who don't get enough sleep are like firecrackers.

In order to change my quick temper, I have read a lot of related books and talked with different schools of consultants, and found that everyone's statements are actually quite different. A counselor who engages in cognitive behavior (CBT) will tell you that all emotions are not caused by the event itself, but by your interpretation of the event. Just think about it from another angle-for example, you can think, "My roommate didn't know that I stayed up all night and didn't bother me on purpose", and the anger will disappear. But I really tried at that time, and the more I thought about it, the more wronged I became: Why should I be considerate of her after what I have done? Almost angrier.

The teacher who is engaged in psychoanalysis will say that the source of your anger is not in the present, but should be traced back to the source-for example, is it that when you were a child, the toys you saved for a week were robbed by relatives and children, and your parents still scolded you for being ignorant, and the injustice of "I am obviously not wrong but I have to be disturbed" was suppressed in the subconscious, and now a similar scene broke out. That's true, but now that I'm about to explode, I can't stand behind the door and recall my childhood, can I?

On the contrary, it is the mindfulness of the fire in the last two years that is most suitable for the present: don't judge whether your mood is right or not, don't rush to press it down, just feel it-is your heart beating faster now? Is your hand clenched into a fist? Is the tooth clenched tightly? Just stare at these physiological feelings for a minute at most, and that momentum will pass. I stood behind the door and took three deep breaths that day. I felt my clenched fingers slowly loosen, and then I opened the door and said to her, "I just stayed up all night to catch up on sleep. Can I dance again in the afternoon?" The little girl immediately closed the door and stuffed me with a steam blindfold, without even a dispute.

I have compiled a comparison table of several mainstream methods I have tried. You can choose according to your own situation:

Before, I always thought that people who did a good job in emotional management were the kind of people who didn't change their faces when Mount Tai collapsed. Until last month, they had dinner with a friend who had been HR for five years. She said that she had seen too many backbones who were recognized as "emotionally stable" in companies. The physical examination report was either gastric ulcer or thyroid nodules, but someone who usually said it directly with a little temper, but her physical indicators were all normal. Oh, yes, there is another misunderstanding that I have stepped on many times: don't make "emotional management" into "emotional depression". Before, in order to appear good-natured, I forbeared my colleagues to throw away the pot, and I didn't rush the take-out overtime. Every time I endured it, I had to lie down for a long time, but later I learned that those emotions that were suppressed by you would never disappear, but would only accumulate in my body, or become ill, or suddenly burst out one day, with more serious consequences.

I haven't practiced the realm of "emotions are invisible" now. I have been carrying two things in my bag all the year round to deal with emotions: one is the crumpled emotional card, which is turned over when I am angry, and the moment I find the corresponding emotional label is equivalent to visualizing the vague feeling of "I'm so bored that I'm going to explode", and the emotion itself will be weakened by more than half; The other is orange-flavored throat lozenge. When you are really angry, you peel one and eat it. The cool smell slips from your throat to your stomach, and the whole person is relaxed in an instant.

When writing this diary, my cat jumped on the table and trampled over the iced American style I just made. Half a cup of coffee was spilled in the crack of the keyboard. I slapped it on the ass twice on the spot and scolded it, "Do you need a beating?" I cleaned the keyboard and continued to write now, without taking it to heart.

Look, how can there be perfect emotional management? Nothing more than don't let your emotions lead you to do stupid things, and don't compete with yourself. Come as you feel comfortable.