Content included in emotional regulation

Emotional recognition, emotional acceptance, emotional response strategy selection, adjustment effect recovery-different schools have their own emphasis on specific operations, but the core composition is not controversial.

Have you ever been in this situation? When someone stepped on the subway in the morning rush hour, the other party not only didn't apologize, but also turned your eyes. When you instantly poured blood on your head, you were going to scold back when you opened your mouth, and you were afraid that you would be detained for being late for work, and you swallowed your words abruptly. As a result, you were bored in your chest when you sat at the station all morning, and you didn't even have the mind to change the plan. Many people think that "I adjusted successfully without swearing", but it is not at all-you haven't even had time to figure out whether your emotions at that moment are "anger" or "offended grievances", and the subsequent "holding back" is essentially depression and is not an effective adjustment at all.

Many people's misunderstanding of emotional regulation just started from skipping "recognition" and directly starting from "control". There are obvious differences in the operation of different schools in this module: the cognitive behavior school (CBT) will require you to disassemble the "event, idea and emotion". For example, in the scene just now, the event was "stared at without receiving an apology", the idea was "he deliberately targeted at me", and the emotion was anger and grievances. If it is clearly separated, it will not be trapped in the obsession of "who is right and who is wrong"; However, the mindfulness school does not require you to get such a fine score, as long as you can perceive that "my chest is tight now and my speech speed is getting faster, which is emotional", and you don't have to judge whether your thoughts are "narrow-minded".

Don't tell me, a visitor who was engaged in Internet operation came to me for counseling, saying that he was scolded by the leader for the last big promotion, and tears were almost falling when sitting at the workstation. The first reaction was to slap his face and scold "What are you crying about? It's useless", and the result became more and more aggrieved. Finally, my hands shook so much that I couldn't even open the PPT. This is the pit of "not accepting". In the early years, there was a controversy about "emotional acceptance" in psychological circles: behaviorist scholars worried that allowing themselves to admit that "I am wronged now" would make people trapped in negative emotions and unable to get out? The humanistic school thinks that suppressing emotions will only make it ferment subconsciously, and sooner or later it will erupt in a more extreme way. It was not until 2021 that Stanford University conducted a follow-up study covering 2,000 people in the workplace, and the data showed that those who accepted emotions first and then adjusted their emotions recovered 62% faster than those who directly suppressed them. This controversy was basically reached.

When you really catch your emotions, what method to choose next depends entirely on the scene, and there is no distinction between high and low. I have compiled the applicable scenarios of common strategies, which you can compare:

Oh, by the way, the last module that most people easily ignore is actually the adjustment effect. I have been doing emotional counseling for 6 years. I have seen too many people adjust their emotions for several years and they still explode at the touch. The core is that every adjustment is a "temporary fire fighting" and never looks back. For example, if you can't help but drop the glass after quarreling with your partner, don't just scold yourself "Why am I so impulsive?" Instead, spend 30 seconds to think clearly: "My thunder point this time is that he turned over my old account. Next time I meet him and say this, I can get up and have a glass of water for 30 seconds before talking, which is much more cost-effective than dropping the glass." You can even find out your own rules: for example, if you don't sleep enough for 6 hours the day before and your patience is basically zero the next day, then moving important meetings and sensitive communication to the afternoon in advance will save a lot of scenes that need to be "put out the fire".

Finally, to tell the truth, these four modules don't have to go in order. Sometimes you just realize that your mood is wrong, and the fire has gone away by half, so you don't have to go through the process at all. There is no "perfect standard answer" for emotional regulation, and no one asks you to be a "perfect adult" who will never have a temper-as long as you are not led by emotions to do things that you will regret, you have done well.