Emotion management is a compulsory course in life

The reason why emotion management is a compulsory course in life is essentially because emotion is a physiological instinct that accompanies us all our lives, and as long as we live in social relations, we can't avoid the matter of "adjusting instinct to adapt to the scene". It's neither a shackle given to you by PUA in the workplace, nor a requirement for you to be a good old man without temper, but a general survival skill that helps you to step on the pit less, regret less and consume less. From school to work, from falling in love to raising a baby, there is no stage that you can't use.

When I was leading a growth team in an Internet company, I met a school with a particularly bright ability to recruit children, 985 masters, and the whole group applauded the new user retention plan. The day before I went online, I docked with the operation department, and the other party temporarily raised the need to add three data burial points. He patted the table on the spot and shouted, "Why did you go early?" The final plan was successful, but after half a year of cross-departmental cooperation, no one was willing to take the initiative to meet his needs. Obviously, the performance was up to standard.

Seriously, there is a great controversy about emotional management on the Internet now, and there are two schools of thought arguing fiercely: one is the "Emotional Freedom Party", saying, "Why should I wronged myself? If I am unhappy, I have to vent it on the spot, and I will get sick easily"; The other faction is the "Emotional Abstinence Party", which says that "adults should give up their emotions long ago, and having emotions is a sign of incompetence". I have talked to two different schools of psychologists about this before. Psychoanalytic counselors support the former, saying that emotion is an internal signal, and long-term depression will attack inward and cause physical and mental problems. Researchers of cognitive behavior school prefer the latter, thinking that emotions can be actively regulated by adjusting cognition to avoid irreparable consequences caused by instinctive venting. In fact, no one is right or wrong at all. In essence, they are afraid that everyone will go to extremes-either stabbing people with emotions as weapons or keeping them in their hearts as garbage.

Don't believe me, I used to know a predecessor who worked as an investment bank, and he was a typical "emotional ascetic". He didn't blush in front of his colleagues for ten years, and even didn't delay the project meeting on the day when the old man at home died. Last year, the medical examination found that breast cancer was in the middle stage, and the doctor clearly said that it was directly related to long-term depression and continuous tension of autonomic nerves. And my resigned school recruit subordinate is a typical "emotional liberal". Every time I vent my cool feeling for 1 minute, it takes dozens of hours to fill the interpersonal hole, which is not worth the candle at all.

I've sorted out a few common misunderstandings that most people have about emotional management, which can be clearly explained in a table:

Speaking of which, my own emotional regulation method is not too tall. It's not a professional ABC theory, but I have mints in my pocket all the year round. When I feel like I'm going to fry, I take them out, unpack them and put them in. After a pause of 10 seconds, I can turn "instinctive venting" into "active choice". A while ago, my Xiong Haizi spilled half a cup of coffee on the project proposal that I had written for three days. My hands holding the mouse were tight, and I ate half a candy. When I turned around, I saw a child clutching my pajamas with tears in his eyes, still holding a piece of paper in his hand to wipe it for me. If I had opened my mouth at that time, I would have been guilty for several days.

I used to think that emotional management was a PUA for migrant workers. Until I was 30 years old, my mother found out that uterine fibroids needed surgery, and my father couldn't run to the hospital because of his poor legs and feet. At the same time, I had three projects to deliver. At that time, I was in the hospital corridor, the company meeting room and the way to pick up my children. I wanted to cry several times when I sat in the car, but I turned to see my mother lying in the hospital bed waiting for me to sign, and the children who had just graduated from the project team were waiting for me to make up my mind. At that time, I really understood that emotional management has never been to please anyone, but when you really encounter obstacles in your life, you will not be dragged away by emotions and can firmly support the people you care about.

You see, we have taken so many classes since childhood, learning mathematics, physics and chemistry, learning how to take exams and how to find a job, but no one has ever taught us how to get along with our emotions: how to digest bad things, how to neither grieve ourselves nor intensify contradictions when being offended, and how to help ourselves when it is difficult to get rid of them. These things are not taught, but you have to use them every step of the way, which is just a compulsory course for a lifetime.