Recommended self-healing methods

Self-healing, which is most suitable for ordinary people, is never about forcing yourself to perform a clock-in inspirational process. The core is to find small, low-cost actions that fit your living habits and emotional patterns. It does not require spending money, a large amount of time, and there is no need to force yourself to "be positive."

Two years ago, when I was overwhelmed by projects and suffered from insomnia for three consecutive months, I also followed the trend and bought an aromatherapy machine and paid mindfulness courses. I forced myself to run 3 kilometers every day after get off work. In the end, I lasted for three days at most. I had to force myself to go out after a day of exhaustion. On the way, my mind was filled with "Why am I so useless that I can't persevere in such a trivial matter?" This only added another burden to my already full emotional tank.

Later, after talking to counselors from different schools, I discovered that there is no unified standard for the definition of self-healing, and there is no "optimal solution" at all: counselors with a positive psychology orientation will recommend that you deliberately accumulate daily "little blessings" and save those small moments that can make your mouth smile.； Those in the psychoanalytic school may encourage you not to rush away from negative emotions, but to stay with them for a while and figure out what they want to tell you. ； Teachers who engage in somatic therapy are more straightforward. They will first ask you, "Now touch the back of your neck. Is it stiff?" Knead it out first before talking about anything else.”

Don’t underestimate these actions that have little “technical content”. Last week, I worked on the project until three o'clock in the morning. When I changed to the eighth version of the plan, I suddenly collapsed. Tears fell on the keyboard, and I didn't go through my address book to complain to my friends - after all, no one was awake in the middle of the night. Even if someone answered the phone, I had to sort out the causes and consequences from the beginning. Thinking about it makes me even more tired. I went to the kitchen and iced a can of orange-flavored soda that I often drank. When I pulled the tab, I heard a "chi" sound. The moment the ice cubes were wrapped in orange flavor and slid down my throat, the air that was stuck in my chest suddenly became smoother. You see, this is actually healing and does not require any sense of ritual at all.

There used to be a lot of quarrels on the Internet about "should you vent your emotions immediately or hold them back?" In fact, both sides of the argument are supported by research. Research from the cognitive behavioral school has indeed proven that if you are busy with important work or in a situation where it is inconvenient to vent your emotions, forcibly withdrawing from emotional processing will take up more cognitive resources. It is better to "package" the emotions in a small grid in your mind, and then find a way to vent after you have finished the work at hand and returned to a safe environment. ； But if the emotion has been accumulated for a long time, holding it in will turn into physical problems. I once had a friend who worked in advertising. He held it in for three months without daring to cry. Finally, he got herpes zoster, which took half a month to heal. The doctor said it was caused by holding in the emotion.

I usually consult with clients who have come up with various healing methods that may seem outrageous to you, but they are really useful: There is a girl who works in operations. Every time she is scolded by Party A, she hides in the toilet, tears up sticky notes, and flushes them into pieces. It feels like those bad things have been flushed away. It is much more useful than complaining to friends - after all, complaining requires repeated replaying of the process of being scolded, which is equivalent to secondary trauma.； There is a boy who works as a programmer. He squats downstairs in the community for 10 minutes every day after get off work to watch ants move. He said that watching the ants carrying food several times bigger than him back and forth makes him feel that his little KPI pressure is not a big deal. ； There is also a friend who is a primary school teacher. Every time he gets so angry that his chest hurts, he goes home and plays with Lego for 10 minutes. Even if he only builds a small part, he doesn’t have to use his brain at all. The moment he concentrates on his fingers, the anger disappears by itself.

Oh, by the way, there is another zero-cost trick that I learned from a somatic therapist before: if you suddenly get emotional and feel tight in your chest, just raise your hands above your head and stretch out, try to open your chest as far as possible, and take three slow and deep breaths. Most of the time, the feeling of congestion will disappear by half immediately. This is based on the principle of embodied cognition. The opening of the body will lead to emotional relaxation, which is more than 10 times more effective than repeatedly telling yourself "don't be sad" and "be strong" in your mind.

Don’t believe those who say that “healing requires traveling, getting a fitness card, and meditating for 15 minutes every day.” I have seen people take time off to go to Dali for healing. As a result, when they got there, they had to rush to scenic spots to take photos for Moments and retouch them. They were even more tired than going to work, and even more anxious when they came back. Don’t force yourself to “come out quickly.” Sometimes, you can allow yourself to be sad for a while, slump on the sofa and watch funny short videos that are not nutritious for half an hour, eat half an ice watermelon, or even curse the person who makes you unhappy. This is all very good healing - you are already in such difficulty, so don’t add a new KPI to yourself that “you must get better soon,” right?

In fact, in the final analysis, there is no standard answer to self-healing that is universally applicable. It is essentially a little pampering you give yourself. It does not have to meet anyone's expectations. As long as the action can make your current breath smoother and make you feel "as if you can hold on for a while longer," it is the best method for you.