To lose my virginity, I looked for a man online

　　We checked in the room that night. I didn't understand anything at the time. I just felt that life was too ordinary and I wanted to make a breakthrough. After that night, we met every weekend. I felt like I liked him a little bit, but in fact, I was somewhat reluctant to do so. So I said that I wanted to establish a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with him.

　　I had an abortion for him half a year before we started dating, but I always felt that he was not enthusiastic about me. He said that it was because he had been emotionally hurt. But he has a good temper and is polite to me. I just thought, "Don't you have a good temper? I want to see how far you can pretend!" ”

　　I started asking him for money, and asked him to buy me fruit in the middle of the night. Anyway, I just tormented him. He is not angry either, he just relies on me, and sometimes he smiles helplessly and says, "Look, aren't I very nice to you? ”

　　He once asked me if I hated him? He said he was selfish, dominating me even though he didn't love me.

　　I asked him why he wanted to be with me? He said he likes to be loved.

　　I can't explain how I feel about him. I know I like him, or it can be called love. But this kind of love is too entangled, and now I just want to exclude him from my heart step by step.

　　I know I'm not a good girl, I like to tease men, I should be a mean girl in a sense. Now I met another man, a civil servant. Just for fun, I teased him and said I wanted to chase him. He just said I was special. We sometimes talk about some sensitive topics, and it seems that he likes me to talk about those things with him. Two days ago, he suddenly told me that he wanted to find someone to have sex with, and asked me if I was willing.

　　I refused. Although I teased him about this once, he knew about my relationship with my boyfriend. I didn’t know the seriousness of it, so I told him the whole process of getting to know my boyfriend. But I don't understand why he came to me. Does he think I'm casual?